When you go shopping your fashion perception is fully engaged.  You know which shoes you think are adorable.  What bag you just have-to-have.  Your style is influenced by all sorts of things; and you most likely put some effort into shaping it.  You wouldn’t be on this website if you didn’t.  But what about your self-perception?  Are you as conscious of that?  Do you work on being positive?  Most importantly, are you mindful of who and what are manipulating your self-esteem?

Our perception is our reality; it drives everything that we do.  It determines the choices we make, how we behave, and how we feel.  It’s part of what makes us individual, because no two brains perceive things the same way.  Not even in identical twins.  But it’s also what can make us insecure and unhappy.  The words and actions of others, especially people we love or are attracted to, can powerfully alter our opinion of ourselves.  For better or for worse.  So it’s essential to find your truth in whatever you experience.

If someone says something that hurts your feelings, ask yourself why it upset you.  Are you bothered by the way you were spoken to?  Or is it because you feel there was some truth in what was said?  Most of us are our own worst critics, so when someone says out loud what we’ve already been thinking, it confirms our fear.

But here is the most important thing to remember: Perception is not necessarily factual.

Certainly a devout Catholic will have a different perception than an Atheist.  And a Democrat usually doesn’t view issues the same way as a Republican.  These are hotly debated topics because each participant believes their view is based on fact.  But can they both be factual?  Yes, but skewed by personal perceptions.  So when you have a negative thought about yourself, don’t consider it a fact until you also reflect on the opposite view.  And if the alternative is more positive, accept that to be your truth.

An anorexic looks in the mirror and thinks she’s fat.  As a result she starves herself and deprives her body of vital nutrition.  But society thinks she’s too skinny.  Unless she can change her perception, she’ll never agree with society.  And she’ll never get better.  What are you seeing in you that is preventing you from realizing how beautiful you are?  Or how smart you are?  Or how lovable?  If you take the positive view that is how other people will see you too.

More often than not the critical statements that damage your self-esteem are originated in your own mind.  Now you know how you can silence them.  But if a negative observation does come from someone you love, know that honesty without compassion is brutality.  A judgmental or derogatory comment is usually not about the recipient, it’s about something that is going on with the accuser.  Don’t believe anything that is said to you that isn’t in your best interest.  And don’t waste any time or brainpower on anyone who doesn’t perceive you as amazing.

Choosing what you think really can be just as easy as choosing whether to wear heels or flats.  You can be beautiful in either.  It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.  It’s what you think that creates how you feel.  If someone tells you you’re fat, or stupid or otherwise unappealing, the only person you should think badly about is them!